Being Mortal

Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande

A friend sent this to me to read, describing it as a “midlife crisis book”! It’s a book about the end of life. I had a lot to learn.

Dying really is inevitable. It is in our nature to live life in two halves, marked by the realisation at a certain point that our time truly is limited. In the first half of life we tend to look for the new: new experiences, new friends and acquaintances, new places. In the second half we focus on those aspects of our lives and particularly the people in our lives that are the most important. This is normal.

Or, in the words of Confucius:

“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”

As our time runs out, there is not a single right answer about interventions that could be made to attempt to extend life. In fact there is always a trade-off to be made. Such decisions have to be made with understanding of what is important to that person at that time. In some cases that may mean major interventions to extend life but at the cost of extra risks or impairments; others may choose to avoid interventions, likely shortening their life, but allowing them to achieve the things most important to them with their remaining time. It is not moral to always extend life at any cost and it is not moral to always prioritise safety over agency.

Since my diagnosis, I have sought out books (or maybe they have sought me out) that have helped me to adjust and cope. I’ve tried to summarise what I took from reading that book at that time.